Lessons learned

       I've been thinking a lot about what I might say of what I have learned through this last trial.  First, life is hard.  No one will just coast through life. We are all given trials to help us grow.  That knowledge does not make it easier to handle our trials, it just helps us understand why we have to have them.  We should never compare our trials to anyone else.  When you are going through a trial, it's hard.  It doesn't make it easier to know someone else is going through something different.  Your trial is hard for you, mine is just different and it's hard as well..  We in the gospel are blessed with eternal perspective, that helps.  It can't take way our pain, but it gives us hope. When people are hurting, they don't need us to fix it.  They need to know that we love them and that we are sorry they have to go through this trial.  It is only our Savior who can truly help them.   The one person that can help us with our pain is our Savior.  His love and atonement can heal our hearts and help us deal with our pain.  My heart breaks for those who don't have this knowledge.  To me it is one of the greatest messages that you, me, can give.  There is hope and someone who is willing to help us though our heartaches and trials.  A Savior that has felt our pain, actually felt exactly what we are feeling.  For this knowledge, I am extremely grateful!  I have felt His love and healing in my life many times.  It is only through the enabling power of the atonement that we can truly have our heart healed, and even with this knowledge, it can take time.  And that's OK.  The key is not to become bitter.  Allow the Saviors love to give you hope in a future peace.  I believe for me, to watch my child go though a great trial and know they are hurting and that I can't fix it, is the hardest thing I have had to face.  My heart breaks.  I had a friend tell me a story of when she was a young mother.  Her son was going to have some surgery, her grandmother said to her, "I worry the most about your son's surgery."  At the time she thought, how can you worry the most, you are his great grandmother.  She explained to her, I worry for your child, I worry for you and I worry for your mom.  She told me until she grew wiser with age she never understood how true this was.  

  I was blessed to go and stay with Maegan, Dan and Vaiola, for the last 3 weeks of Maegan's pregnancy and to be there during Samson's life.  It's hard to put into words how grateful I am that I had this privilege.  It was a time to grow closer to Maegan, to hopefully relieve some of Dan's worries, and to spend the most precious time with Vaiola.    I was able to hold little Samson's hand and tell him that I love him.  I got to kiss his little head as he passed from this life.  I got to hold and love my daughter as she went through one of the hardest things a parent can go through.  I was able to be a happy distraction for a sweet two year old granddaughter who can't quite understand why they can't bring her baby brother home.  These 4+ weeks will be a time I will remember and cherish.  How grateful I am for a Savior who loves me and loves this sweet little family and will help all of us heal with time.